#MyWhy

October, 2019

When my parents came to this country from Haiti they wanted a better life not just for themselves, but primarily for my sister and I. For a short while we lived in my Grandmother’s apartment in Brooklyn on Newkirk Avenue and Ditmars around the corner from the YMCA on Flatbush. To help with my dads commute to work, we moved in with my Grandmother while we transitioned to a new apartment from Manhattan. It was a “full house!” My uncle, three aunts and their children were already living there.

One night my mom was on her way home from work and was robbed of her purse and necklace that my dad recently gifted. I remember at a young age with conviction, telling my mom I would find the person when I’m older. A few months later we moved to an apartment on E36th in East Flatbush.

My mom attended Brooklyn College. I would see papers and books all over my mom’s bed as she would study late nights after putting my sister and I to sleep and my dad would work nights as a custodian at the airport. In the mornings she would take her college courses while my dad would take us to school. On the way to school my sister and I prayed and started the day with positive affirmations. When we were off from school we usually spent time doing homework and all things math. We rode our bikes together to Marine Park often, but I vividly remember going after great study sessions.

My mom graduated from Brooklyn College with a Bachelors Degree in Economics and began working in her field. For several years she worked for the government and later Household Financial Corp. (now HSBC) My dad graduated from NYC Tech and Vaughn College of Aeronautics. My dad was hired by American Airlines and promoted throughout the years.

After several years in Brooklyn my parents saved enough to mortgage a home and move to Long Island. They welcomed family members to our home regularly. They made time for family trips to amusement/parks, nearby beaches and pools. I truly don’t know how they were able to cover everything they did. At a very young age they were teaching us to give(when you can) from a place whole heartily and not from a place of resistance or scarcity.

While reflecting and thinking about #MyWhy, I’ve realized that while instilling values within my sister and I my parents also showed us the importance of hard work and sacrifices.

#MyWhy starts with my mother and father because they raised me with all their love and taught me to put my heart in everything I do. Other pieces of #MyWhy are a result of my life experiences and interactions with others.

I went to a local Junior high school and later transferred to a predominately White high school for an opportunity to earn college credits my junior and senior years. I was in the Academy of Finance and was active in the sports at our school…Go Gladiators! Most of the Black Students were either in special education, ESL classes or the Academy of Finance. It didn’t bother me, but through the years I kept asking myself why was this and I started to understand why our parents often advised us to have caution with who we shared our nationality with at the school with fear we would be thrown into ESL.

My first week at football practice one of my coaches, without knowing my name called me “brown” on several occasions. After a few attempts to correct him in practice, at the age of 13 I took time after practice and had to remind my coach AND teacher at the school-that I had a name and to address me by my first or last name. When practice ran late, it would get dark outside, and some of my teammates would jokingly tell me to smile or open my eyes because they they couldn’t see me. I didn’t think much of it at the time but It definitely affected me and part of me wants to believe there weren’t any underlying feelings of hatred or fear. I didn’t quit, instead I persuaded my friends, now brothers Luckner and David to play.

Ms. Stein was a pivotal teacher in the AOF. She made sure to include life lessons within her lesson plan. I now see the value she added and how much she truly cared for us. She would often remind us to play the game(in life). I can hear her voice every now and then when I have a big meeting, conflict or presentation.

In efforts to connect more with students, I got involved with student activities and Future Business Leaders of America. Growing up, I watched my father in photography and video and I too picked up a camera and I brought my talents to the yearbook club my junior & senior year. The summer before my senior year, I interned with my bank. Every time I got paid, my mother would make me give her a portion of my check for what I thought was for bills and home expenses. I would be reluctant and my mom would give me that stern look. The weekend before my graduation, my mother asked me to go to the garage for garbage bags and I was surprised with a certified pre-owned Mitsubishi Eclipse ‘97. She used all my contributions from my internship checks to help purchase my first car. I no longer had to borrow my dad’s for senior Fridays(they let us park in the parking lot across the street). I drove EVERYWHERE that week, including graduation.

In college, I still found that outside African American Studies and a few other classes, I was the only Black student in many. Unlike the majority of the Black freshmen I met in orientation, I decided early I was going to make college enjoyable and not transfer out of the university.

Sticking to my formula from high school, I got involved on campus, we were able to fundraise and impact change. We brought together all the multi cultural clubs under UMOJA and eventually created a multicultural arm in the Student Government Association, which I am happy to see that they are still active on campus.

At a college job fair, I reconnected with a recruiter from my high school internship and after an interview I was hired for a part time position at the bank. I was the only African American at my location. As I continued to advance in my career, some of my friends and family did not. In high school I noticed it but I began to see the large inconsistencies in education and resources in our different communities from Brooklyn to Long Island. Throughout my career, I’ve grown more aware and mindful to the fact that I’m often the few and sometimes only Black employee in my department. I grew weary as I was trying to be COMPLETELY flawless ALL THE TIME. I felt I had to represent for all my Black friends and family that were not afforded the same opportunities as me. I had to represent as a big brother to my sister and be a role model to my younger cousins and peers looking up to me. For my own peace, I started to learn about setting boundaries when necessary (it’s so important and I’m still learning) and to do my best versus trying to be teflon.

About a month before graduating college, three weeks after my 21st birthday, my mom suddenly passed away while I was on duty as an RA on campus. When I received the call, I was told to come home, and on the way home I received a call to head to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital before the ambulance when my house was less than 5 minutes away. I was furious and could not comprehend why the ambulance took so long. I remember blaming myself for a while thinking If I was home I could’ve tried CPR. Shortly after arriving at the hospital, they announced that she had already passed. The toughest call I had to make was to my father at work and tell him to come to the hospital. Family, friends and distant relatives came to pay their last respects and tried to comfort me, many saying they would be there for me; but later, life’s responsibilities may have gotten in their way and we were back to hearing from them once in a while at weddings and sadly funerals. I was changed forever.

A fire was reignited within me and my journey to be better everyday was reinforced. I decided I was going to live the life I wanted for myself while giving back in philanthropic efforts, expressing my self through photography and art, while connecting with others (including writing this) in an effort to heal from the grief of my mother’s passing and being the change I wanted in my community.

I ventured into event planning. My proudest moment was when we helped raise nearly $20K in less than 5hrs for relief efforts in Haiti after a devastating earthquake where an estimated quarter of million people died in 2010. This was a tough time and some of my family were injured but I was fortunate that my family survived; some of my partners and friends were not as fortunate.

I continued in swanky event planning for a short while, investing time into companies and people. For some, as their career grew they became almost immediately distant. My expectations for communication were often unmet and frustration lead me to learning more about setting and gauging expectations from others. I learned discernment and stopped feeling guilty for being selfish-putting myself first when it came to my personal development and growth. I eventually discovered the magic of working with those aligned with my goals and values while practicing ways protecting my own peace.

I spent some time mentoring a younger Black student with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Long Island who was starting HS. More disparities were highlighted, much work needed to be done due to the lack of resources & inconsistencies in our education system for many, the parents being actively involved was not always enough. The Village is needed now more than ever.

About three years ago, I was home and I watched the news play over and over and all I can remember is seeing a young girl step out the back seat of a white car shortly after a police officer executed her father, an unarmed black man. That unarmed black man was Philando Castille, 32. That day with tears in my eyes I called out of work and spent most most of the day at my friends house. I remember trying to block the real life gore that is usually censored in movies and TV that became a regular on the headlines in social media, the news and on the covers of major news papers. Tired, hurt and upset we knew in that moment we wanted to start a non-profit for people that looked like us, focusing on self love, affirmation and preservation of ourselves and the community. We created an art collective which created the need for a culture center that was officially opened January 2019 in Bedstuy, Brooklyn.

My family, my roots and my culture have a mournful history of being exploited, discriminated against and treated unfairly. In recent years this “history” remains a sad reality that fuels my passion to work harder to be in the rooms where often, our voices aren’t heard. In the media, it seems like every day and in some instances multiple times a day we see on the news and other outlets our people are being murdered and sometimes the target of many jokes and I’m noticing a generation where our attention seems limited and controlled.

#MyWhy to be a philanthropist includes the early values my parents taught me and the education obtained when traveling and working with people from different countries while adapting to their culture and sharing the importance of thinking and giving from a place of abundance.

It includes creating more opportunities for the inclusion of more people that look like me, and a future where the youth of tomorrow are in classes that are well diverse and understanding that compassion and respect for each other within and outside our culture is the beginning of new and necessary growth.

#MyWhy in photography is to share my vision, my experiences and positive images of people, primarily positive-black images, across the world in hopes it will destroy ugly stereotypes and repair that uncomfortable exchange with someone clearly not accustomed to being in diverse communities.

#MyWhy includes building and leaving a legacy. A legacy of abundantly sharing knowledge and resources. A legacy where my family and everyone focuses on their personal best and less worried about comparing themselves to others understanding their importance of the role they play and the energy they bring into the spaces that they fill.

You may or may not have known my why before reading this. My why will shift and expand as I grow through experiences. I’m confident my why will fuel my success in current & future goals. I’m looking forward to continued prosperity while working with others aligned with my why.

What is your why?